Welcome to Unvarnished!

A belated welcome to the Unvarnished Blog. I initially wrote this on October 15, 2020 but only getting around to editing it and posting it here. Been trying to get some other things done first and there has been some transitions at work and I needed to take some time to focus on that. I ended up writing four entries from 10/15 on and plan on editing them in order and putting them up.

https://www.azquotes.com/quote/616140

I believe blogs, as I knew them, were all the rage back in the 90’s so I’m thirty years too late for this one, but maybe more than a little late with this one, but better late than never, right?

My goal here isn’t to get recognized or to say look at me. After all, I am invisible and have come to prefer it that way. I am out of the age demographics for Frank Ocean’s music, but his quote of “Work hard in silence, let success be your noise,” resonates with me. My goal here is to have a sense of clarity for my own peace of mind and to process my own thoughts in a space that is relatively anonymous but also has potential for insight from others. I’m well aware that the Internet has a troll infestation problem. Trolls who have yet to find themselves or face what they don’t like about themselves so it gives them power and a sense of purpose to point that out in others. I even acted like that on occasion and still find myself slipping, but I’m much more aware now, and those slips are few and far between.

Now, before you write me off as a goody-goody and one of those Enlighted Hotep types, that is not me. At this time, I’m still trying to figure out who I really am. I know that by doing this in a format that is open for all to see that I’m opening myself up to it by doing this, and on one level, I am nervous, but on the other I and proud of myself for putting myself out there even if, I’m standing in front of you invisible and you can’t see me.

I asked myself, why am I REALLY doing this? What is the real purpose for putting this out there and, at some point down the line, promoting it for others to see? The answer that I keep coming back to is that I have to do something different. I’ve fought this lack of identity, purpose, and confidence the same way for years, and it’s time for me to do something different.

In managing my depression and anxiety over the years, I’ve always done the same stuff to varying degrees of success, but I started to notice slight differences when I began to do things differently so I’m going to try and continue the trend and see how that turns out. It’s still too early in the process to make a solid judgment on all of it, but so far I think I’m doing pretty good.

Now, Unvarnished is just one little thing in a series of things I’m trying. I’m doing a lot more behind the scenes, but, in my head, all those things dovetail into me recreating myself for myself.

My ego weakly tells me that it’s a bit selfish and that nothing will come of it, but I’ve listened to the ego for forty plus years and it ain’t done a dang thang for me, so I’m side-eyeing it while I keep moving. When I let it gain an inch, it takes miles, so I can’t let it catch up with me and I hope Unvarnished will help me do that.

I would also like to become a bridge and, perhaps, open up a dialogue among people. I know my experiences aren’t universal but some themes are common. Heck, maybe I can become a positive catalyst to open up a dialogue within the Black community and African Diaspora. What if by “seeing” and hearing what the Invisible Man goes through one can see themselves and start to understand that we all go through some of the same things and see themselves in me and if they don’t like what they see, make a change for the better both for themselves and the world at large. Grandiose and wishful thinking perhaps, but hope is underrated.

Above all, I need to take care of myself and do something for me. It’s been too long, and I let way too many people define me and I haven’t really stopped and defined myself. I am sure I’m not alone in that regard either. I feel I’ve earned every right to be selfish and to use this as a way to bleed out and heal myself. Heck, I don’t know that I have all that figured out yet, but I’m pretty sure that by the end (whenever that will be) I will be better off for it.

I don’t know how long I will keep this up either. A lot will depend on circumstances, but I am determined to keep this up for a year from my first entry. I put on my calendar to review my progress and to put an entry up, so we will see what happens.

I am looking forward to it, it is a new adventure and the possibilities are endless.

- Invisible Man