#Overworked

I feel like I give everything to everybody and get nothing in return.

What prompted that feeling? I had the day off yesterday and worked on some scripts. Overall, it was a productive day because I finished two and was well on my way to completing a third but noticed my back getting stiff. I tried to solider through but it finally got to a point where I knew I needed to stop and stretch my legs. However, as soon as I stepped out of bed, my back buckled, and I dropped to my knees.

I spent the night (and early morning) rubbing it down with BenGay. Heat it up and then iced it down, applying an icey hot patch, taking Tylenol PM, Bayer Aspirin, nerve medicine, and then more Bayer Aspirin. I barely slept and I’m fighting with myself on whether or not I should try to get up and go into work today!

I can’t remember the extent of my day today, but I know that the last few weeks, I’ve felt like I haven’t been pulling my weight. It could be the depression speaking for me, or there could be some truth in it. However, I know what I’m feeling and, I know the drive to work, sitting, and the fire drills that will definetly pop up could make it worse. Part of me says, "I owe it to myself to relax and get better," but I also feel guilty for doing so and, still another part of me says I brought this on myself and I should suck it up and go in!

How do you turn that part of you off? What is the correct way to think? What should I do? How do you know when there is merit to the argument and when there isn’t? At our company we are supposed to work nine hours (Ten in some locations and departments) yet we get paid for eight. There is no “off” though, if you let The Company tell it, they value work/life balance (LIES!!!) and want you to take care of yourself (MORE DEVIL LIES).

In addition to the hundreds of e-mails that, I'm sure, are in my inbox from one off day. Here I am debating on whether or not to make it two.

Does society condition us to do this? If so, why and how do I break out of it. I shouldn’t feel guilty for being home and trying to heal my back. Especially when The Company, barely affords me anytime and every since covid we’ve been running from one thing to another with no rest?