Growth

Brain is working but it’s slow and sluggish. I can blame it on the AC being out, the extra extroverted effort I’ve been putting into work lately, the usual brain mess that I tend to go through, but I’m trying hard not to do that. I’m looking to change the narrative and get out of my head but all that is easier said than done.

That said, though, I am better. This isn’t one of those woes is me post. I just needed to get some thoughts out and remind myself that I’m better than I have been.

I’ve had years where the Holiday Triangle (Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas) has been paralyzing but I can still move this time around and I’m not on medication. That in and of itself is cause for celebration, right?

I’m still tired though. The one thing that tends to give me some energy or release is my writing and the devil’s lettuce (IE: 420) but I’m really trying not to put a lot into that because, while it does help slow the mind and gives me some good thoughts, I haven’t quite managed the paranoia that tends to crest in like a wave while I’m doing it.

It may take a bit more experience in mental gymnastics than I have so far, but I’m working on it. Gotta give credit where credit is to. There is growth here. Just need to make sure I keep it fertilized and continue growing.

- Invisible Man

Written on 10/27; Posted on 10/30/20